Psybersquare: Wave Your Flag Proudly

Wave Your Flag Proudly
by Mark Sichel, LCSW

Your flag is an artistic representation of your identity. (If you would like to learn more about personal flags, read What Colors are YOUR Flag?) Deciding to carry and wave your flag means you will need to overcome fears that are inherent to people who grew up in dysfunctional families. Fear that you will be shamed for your flag (your personal identity) is something with which many people contend.

A client once told me he had trouble creating his flag, because his alcoholic father and food addicted co-dependent mother always cautioned him about the importance of humility. They said things to him like, "Remember, Pride Cometh Before a Fall." Others of you may fear being criticized, humiliated, cut down, and seen as out of control, but if you do your work on yourself and complete the exercises on this site, you can overcome these fears.

Take Bill*, a regular visitor to Psybersquare and participant in live chat. Bill's identity before recovery had been very negative. He saw himself as a junkie, a maniac, a drunk, dirty, worthless and dumb. He oscillated between a self-image of being God's gift to the world -- especially when high on drugs and alcohol -- to seeing himself as dirt in a gutter. This was all despite the fact that even with his drinking and drugging, he had managed to graduate college and was a self-supporting member of society. He teaches high school and loves his work. He has married a wonderful woman and enjoys a busy and active life centered on his work, his marriage, and his participation on Psybersquare.

Bill struggles mightily, to see himself as a productive, useful, loving, and spiritually sound man. Frequently, however, he is interrupted by his negative self-perceptions and his difficulties negotiating life, given his upbringing in a very out of control alcoholic family.

After much work on his identity, both by doing the exercises and workshops on this site and by receiving support and coaching in his live chat meetings, Bill now carries a flag which he waves proudly and looks at it when he is having a tough day. His flag is his own artistic interpretation of his own identity: his values, his struggles, his triumphs, his beliefs, his loved ones and his hobbies.

The background color of Bill's flag is white, symbolizing peace and serenity, which are his central aspirations. The center of the flag consists of a royal blue triangle, symbolizing his victory over his demons and ghosts. Inside the triangle is a black circle to remind him of when he felt like a zero, with a red book in the center representing his passion for education and books. In random places on the white background are four equal sign symbols. They are placed randomly to represent his commitment to his marriage, equality, social justice and membership in Psybersquare.

Please remember that Bill worked very hard and long to understand himself, and to overcome his fears. Your flag can be modified and changed as you grow and learn more about yourself. Moreover, as you overcome your fears and feel entitled to the pride and joy with yourself that you deserve.

If you would like to make a flag of your own, go to My Flag.

*The names of all clients have been changed to protect their identities.