Psybersquare: The Secret to Great Gift Giving

The Secret to Great Gift Giving
by Pat Catalano

Most people know the don't-wait-till-the-last-minute, peel-off-the-price-tag and save-the-receipt fundamentals of gift giving. But it's not that difficult to reach well beyond that. Anyone can learn how to choose a great gift. All you need are grit, determination and the skills of a great detective! So what do great detectives do? The best detectives listen, observe, and make notes on little pads. And that's all it takes to find the perfect gift!

The best gifts are gifts that can't be given to just anyone; there's nothing generic about them. They are very specific and have to do with the dreams, desires and fantasies of the person receiving them. But before selecting a gift, you must search for clues. Use your eyes and ears year round and invest in that little pad so that you remember what you've detected, because there are plenty of clues to be found.

Begin by noting basics, including favorite activities or hobbies, perfumes, soaps, and colors. Notice casual comments made while shopping or watching movies. Look at reactions to gifts received by friends and family. And don't forget to watch closely whenever this person goes gift shopping for someone else - people reveal a lot when they select gifts for others. Listen to sentences beginning with "I've always wanted such-and-such" or my favorite is so-and-so" and fill in the rest. Ask yourself questions like "have we shared a trip or an experience that meant a lot to us both?" Something that reminds your significant other of a special moment or place or event in your lives can be a very special gift - even if it's only a pen!

Think back. Has your loved one ever stopped in front of a store window and pointed to something in excitement? On the TV show "Friends," Rachel realized she was in love with Ross when he bought her a cameo pin she'd seen in a store window. What impressed her wasn't the price of the gift - it was that he had noticed and remembered and given her something that was special to her and no one else.

Be aware of moments when your favorite person seems to be missing something. One woman's boyfriend noticed that his girlfriend loved taking pictures, but was always borrowing her mother's camera in order to do this. He subsequently got her a camera of her own and she truly appreciated that he had noticed! Sometimes people don't even know they need something! When I started learning mah jongg, I was certainly not aware that there was such a thing as a mah jongg table! Or how much I needed one. But that table was a very special and wonderful addition to my apartment!

Sometimes the only gifts we can think of are things that we could never afford. But don't cross anything off your list just because of the price! If you can't fill it in exactly, create a fantasy! One man told me there was nothing anyone could get him as a gift because at this point in his life, the only things he wanted were out of any reasonable price range. One item on his list was a new Jaguar. I suggested he might have liked two tickets to the Auto Show when it came to town and a chance to sit at the wheel of a Jaguar. He got a little starry-eyed just thinking about it, as he said "Yeah, I would like that."

Feel free to brainstorm with your friends. Have someone go down a list of questions - such as what does this person like to do, to go, to wear and so on, just to clarify what you've noticed without even being aware of it. Check in with your significant other's family and friends. They may have input and ideas that you can note on that handy little pad!

Keep in mind that this gift is not about you or what you want or what you want your parent/child/spouse/partner/friend to want. Be careful about giving those gifts that have the line "this is MY favorite color/movie/book/music, etc" attached. Those gifts are rarely greeted with joy because they are about you - not the person receiving the gift. Those gifts should only be given if the person has expressed a sincere desire to pursue YOUR interests and other gifts should be included. For example, a friend of mine started ice skating lessons so that she could go skating with her boyfriend, an ice hockey enthusiast. She found that she truly enjoyed skating yet hated skating on the dull blades of rented skates. So she was thrilled when she found her very own ice skates under the Christmas tree, along with her other gifts.

Remember, people tell you what they want without even being aware of it. So don't despair when your loved one says "I really don't want anything for the holidays" - just shift into great detective gear and do some investigation. Thought shows and your loved one is sure to appreciate any gift that demonstrates your caring.